My Nordic Journey: Healing Homesickness through Photography
It is not easy to write this blog. But I will do it because I know there are so many people out there who need to listen to this!
Self-Portrait from The Nordic Forecast photography series, 2020, Tampere, Finland
Moving to Finland
If you know me, you know how much I love to combine my love for photography with the idea of being on adventures. Understanding other cultures, meeting new people and documenting new places is what makes my heart sing. ♥️
When I finished my BA in Photography and Videography in Romania, I took a risky decision that I knew it might affect me in the future. But I did it anyway. Because it felt right for me and was aligning with my idea of taking my camera and being adventurous: I applied for another BA in Media and Culture in a Applied Sciences University from Finland. I remember I worked a lot for preparing my artistic portfolio. I also needed to write a reflective essay on contemporary art based on an already-given subject. Then I had an interview with one of my future-to-be teachers. It was a long process. I was not sure that they will accept me. But they did. In March 2018, I received the acceptance letter. I was happy, proud of me, excited to start a new adventure!
Self-Portrait From The Nordic Forecast Series, 2020, Tampere, Finland
Was I ready to study in the one of the coldest and happiest countries in the world?
There is so much to say about my relationship with Finland and how much it changed me, but in this blog I will concentrate on only one aspect: my mental health.
Warm beginnings
I arrived in Finland on a warm August day in 2018. In a week, my university courses would start, but for now, I had time to explore my new surroundings. I was immediately struck by the abundance of green. Ducks swam on crystal-clear lakes, pine forests filled the air with their intoxicating scent, and the evenings were filled with mesmerising light that bathed everything in a golden glow.
Self-Portrait from The Nordic Forecast Photography Series, Tampere, Finland, 2021
Dark times
However, I knew that Finland is a double-edged sword when it comes to weather. During the summer months, particularly around the summer solstice in late June, some parts of Finland, especially in the northern regions like Lapland, can have nearly 24 hours of daylight. In southern Finland, it's not quite continuous daylight, but you can expect long days with around 18 to 20 hours of daylight.
In contrast, during the winter months, Finland experiences much shorter days. In the northernmost parts, there can be periods of polar night, with no direct sunlight for several weeks. In southern Finland, you might have only around 4 hours of daylight on the shortest days of the year. Usually November to February you have very cloudy and dark and cold and wet days.
And it is not only that. But THE COLDNESS.
A view from my neighbourhood in February, 2019, Tampere, Finland
When Homesickness Creeps In
We have a different way of saying "I miss you" in Romanian. "Dor" is a specific Romanian term that expresses a deep feeling of longing and nostalgia. While "missing" in English conveys the general sense of missing something or someone, the phrase "îmi e dor de casă" translates simply to "I miss home" in English, but it is a more complex feeling than that.
The darker and shorter the days in Finland, the more I was missing my home country. I was sad, scared, confused and worried about my career and future. Many times I felt hopeless, but also angry at myself for making choices without planning more ahead. You might think that's not such a big deal, because I can always go back home. But when you have a personal problem, sometimes it feels like no one can genuinely understand your struggle. You feel alone.
Lake View, 2019, Tampere, Finland
The curious thing is that when I was out with my camera, I was immediately feeling more optimistic about how my life can unfold in Finland, no matter the circumstances.
The shift
I thoroughly enjoyed my university classes, from start to finish. I can now wholeheartedly say that I agree that Finnish education has something special, and I understand why it is so highly regarded worldwide. (More on this in a future blog post.)
In my 2nd year, one of my photography teachers asked us to choose a theme that was important to us and conduct artistic research on it. In the next class, we were to explain our concept and have plans for how to portray it through a series of photographs.
Because I noticed how my mood always improved after my photo walks. I decided to review all my photographs from all the trips I had taken over the past two years to see what patterns I can find in what I had photographed.
And there it was. I saw it immediately: HOME. Home was my photography subject. Therefore, homesickness was my research subject. It was curious to see how many pictures of Finnish houses I had collected. Down below you can see a slideshow with some of them.
Healing through Art is not a Myth
In the next months, my artistic research about homesickness helped me tremendously. I understood so many points of view and alternative perspectives about what home is. I decided to expand the project and had 12 interviews on Skype with other international students from different corners of the world where I learnt what home means for each of them.
I made the Aerial Roots Habitat book where there are extracts from all the interviews I did. Click here to open the book.
Additionally, I started a new meditative practice of paying attention to the cycles of nature by visually documenting the lake close to my home, in Tampere. The end result was a sensorial 3-channel video installation named Aerial Roots Habitat that you can check here.
In less than one year, with the help of photography and artistic research, my view on what home means and what homesickness is for me has shifted. The homesickness transformed into a new feeling: Courage.
Self-Portrait from The Nordic Forecast Series, Yyteri, Finland, 2020
The lessons I learnt and I repeat myself when anxiety creeps in again
I trust that I do not need to have everything figured it out for the future in order to feel safe in the present.
I trust that I will be figure it out, no matter where I am, because I have myself and that is enough for now.
I trust my adventurous spirit and let it lead my way.
I have all the courage I need to continue my adventures and not run away from the opportunities hidden behind fears.
And now, I leave you with one of my favourite quotes:
“A ship in harbor is safe, but that's not what ships are for.”― John A. Shedd
